The single most important factor in identifying Big Dick Energy — BDE, noun: “quiet confidence and ease with oneself that comes from knowing you have an enormous penis and you know what to do with it,” per the Cut’s Allison P. Davis — is the quiet part. The self-assurance oozes out of your pores; if you have to announce the alleged existence of your BDE to the room, know that everyone in it will assume you are lying. Unfortunately, though, it looks like no one bothered to explain the guidelines to baseball guy Alex Rodriguez, who declared in a Sunday Instagram story that he was “stepping out with the big D energy.” Then again, it’s possible no one explained BDE to him, full stop, because he seems to think the “D” stands for “determined, darling,” and/or “dapper AF.” Huh.
At six-foot-three, A-Rod is indisputably big, and to be fair, he was wearing a suit, generally considered to be dapper. He does also appear determined … not to acknowledge his recent heartbreak at the hands of J.Lo (despite their yachts cruising by one another’s in St. Tropez last week); determined to show that he too can have a fun time hanging out with his ex, hell, even Ben Affleck’s ex; determined to prove he is “living his best single life” and “really enjoying [being] a bachelor,” as the tabloid sources have claimed. I am glad, I guess, to hear he finds himself darling, though not necessarily surprised, given the rumors about how he commissioned two custom portraits of himself as a chiseled centaur and hung one over his bed. Is that Big Dick Energy? Unequivocally, no. Is it Big Darling Energy? Well … probably also no. But best of luck out there, bud.