satire

4-Year-Old Absolutely Destroys Prince Harry With Devastating Burn

Photo: Karwai Tang/WireImage

In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return; for thou art burnt by this 4-year-old boy at St. Vincent’s Catholic Primary School, as thou art Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex. Amen.

On Wednesday Prince Harry visited St. Vincent’s Catholic Primary School in Acton, London, to plant a tree. The act was part of an environmental forest-preserving initiative called Queen’s Commonwealth Canopy; these are the sorts of activities that make up a royal’s daily schedule and you have to wonder how they truly feel about it, not to say the environmental initiative isn’t important. It is.

Yes, it was there, at the school, where a child burnt Prince Harry to a crisp.

After Prince Harry arrived, People reports, the 4-year-old got his attention and — poised, calm, ready to deal his blow — asked, “When is Prince Harry coming?”

Oooh my gosh.

Prince Harry, no doubt taken aback by the child’s puckish defiance, reportedly said, “But I’m Prince Harry.”

The student, dedicated to truth and insult humor in equal measure, reportedly responded, “When is the real Prince Harry coming?”

Prince Harry replied, ending the tete-a-tete as he clearly could no longer keep up with the pace of its wit, “I’m the real Harry. I’ve just had my hair cut for the occasion.”

He and the boy then reportedly shared a high-five. Ah, of course. There are no hard feelings between the 4-year-old and Prince Harry. Just a skillfully crafted burn, and a man who can appreciate it. Plus, People reports that learning mentor Diane Redmond said, “They think a prince should have a crown.”

Indeed.

Prince Harry also met Winnie, the headteacher’s dog!

Photo: Karwai Tang/WireImage
4-Year-Old Destroys Prince Harry With Devastating Burn