Ryan Gosling.
Photo: Valery Hache/Getty Images
Your worst middle-school talent-show memory has nothing on this video that surfaced over the weekend of a 12-year-old Ryan Gosling dancing. Now, for a normie, this footage would be a trauma only wiped clean by years of therapy. But this is Ryan Gosling: When he spastically gyrates to Cathy Dennis’s 1991 hit “Touch Me (All Night Long)” in silver lamé Hammer pants, you look on proudly. Just watch as he intuitively runs a hand down his prepubescent chest to indicate “I’m sexy” and how confidently he executes the “double-girl twirl.” You could see it even then: This kid was destined for stardom. Or to be the most fun and popular wedding DJ in the tristate area.