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Bland scruffball Adam Levine is rumored to be People magazine’s next Sexiest Man Alive.
But wait! Dating a series of sexy ladies does not a sexy man make. Many tattoos do not an interesting man make. This is a man who — when asked to do something funny — just removed his shirt. How can this be, with so many other men out there? A plethora of sexy options. Just dozens and dozens of other dudes: alive and well, and sexier.