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Esther Perel

Host of the podcast, Where Should We Begin?
See all their articles from across New York Magazine

Esther Perel is a psychotherapist, a best-selling author, and the host of the podcast Where Should We Begin? Every other week on the show, Perel plays a voice-mail from a listener who has reached out with a specific problem, then returns their call to offer advice — "Esther Calling" on the Cut is adapted from the podcast, which is now part of the Vox Media Podcast Network. You can listen to the original episodes on Apple podcasts or wherever you listen.

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    ‘I’m a Gay, Devout Muslim Man. How Can I Find Love Without Losing My Family?’Esther Perel talks to this week’s caller about living religiously — and living authentically — as a gay man.
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    ‘Why Can’t I Get Over My Toxic Ex-Boss?’Esther Perel helps this week’s caller work through her anger at a former employer — and her fiancé’s insistence they invite her to the wedding.
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    ‘Was It a Bad Idea to Work for My Friend?’Esther Perel helps this week’s caller navigate the boundaries between professional and personal relationships in the workplace.
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    Miranda July Knows That Desire Means Feeling AliveEsther Perel invites the author to publicly discuss aging, freedom, and pleasure for the first time since All Fours was released.
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    ‘How Much Work Should Dating Actually Be?’This week’s caller wants to know why, in her 30s, she hasn’t found someone yet and what she can actually do about it.
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    How Does Esther Perel Do It?The Where Should We Begin? host shares insight into her process while answering audience questions from her recent tour.
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    ‘My Partner Wants Children, But I Don’t. Now What?’This week’s “Esther Calling” caller is anxious about future and needs advice about how to discuss this openly with his partner.
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    ‘Why Can’t I Stop Cheating?’Every marriage for this week’s “Esther Calling” caller has ended with infidelity. Now, in a relationship, she’s scared of history repeating itself.
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    ‘Should I Dump My Dad?’This week’s ‘Esther Calling’ caller is in need of advice about her father, who supports her financially but not emotionally.
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    ‘Why Won’t My Siblings Help Care for Our Sick Mom?’Stop focusing on your siblings, Esther Perel says, and ask what you need from your parents.
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    ‘Why Is My Husband So Boring?’The better question is, as Esther Perel tells this week’s caller, why do you see that as a problem?
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    ‘Why Do I Panic and Break Up As Soon As the Honeymoon Phase Is Over?’Because you learned from your parents to bolt as soon as things get hard, Esther Perel tells this week’s “Esther Calling” listener.
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    ‘Our Relationship Ended Because He Was Too Close With His Ex’This caller’s concern is really about loyalty, Esther Perel says, and what she was taught to expect.
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    ‘My Partner Has a Wife in Another Country. Should I Leave Him?’Being so loyal runs the risk of losing your own authenticity, Esther Perel tells this week’s caller. Ask why you subjugate yourself in relationships.
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    ‘Why Do I Keep Dating Men Who Are Bad to Me?’You don’t trust yourself anymore, Esther Perel tells this week’s listener. But you should let yourself be guided by your reason.
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    ‘Where Does the “Evil Voice” in My Head Come From?’In part two of their conversation, Esther Perel helps a caller realize that her desire to cheat is a reenactment of past sexual trauma.
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    ‘Why Does Part of Me Want to Cheat?’You may have shared your trauma with your boyfriend, Esther Perel tells a caller in part one of their conversation, but you wish he was more curious.
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    ‘I Lost My Husband to Suicide. How Do I Recover Who I Was Before?’Your joy is still alive within you, Esther Perel tells this week’s caller, and if you remember it, you will find love again.
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    ‘How Can I Date When I Feel Unlovable and Unworthy?’Instead of bringing your inherited sense of self-worth to every date, Esther Perel tells this week’s ‘caller, you can make that voice quieter.
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    ‘Being Open Recharged Our Marriage. Why Is There Still Insecurity?’When you reconnect to the erotic nature of another person, you connect to the side of them that is free, Esther Perel tells this week’s callers.
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    ‘How Do I Have a Relationship With My Birth Mother Without Survivor’s Guilt?’“You don’t become a healer to numb your own feelings,” says Esther Perel. “The question is whether you want to take care of her.”
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    ‘How Can I Repair With My Family When They Don’t Celebrate My Identity?’“You may have profound disagreements,” Esther Perel says, “but you manage to really hold each other dear in spite of them.”
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    ‘How Do I Forgive My Mother for Passing Down Her Trauma to Me?’After acknowledging her pain and the ways it shaped your relationship, says Esther Perel, ask that she do the same for you.
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    ‘We Moved Away From Family During the Pandemic. Now I Miss That Support.’Depleted mothers are everywhere, says Esther Perel. Focus on retrieving the woman behind the mother and wife.
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    ‘My Partner Is a Widower. Is There Room for Me in His Heart?’It’s not just the items he’s kept, Esther Perel says, but your own fear of being lovable enough.
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    ‘I Blew Up My Marriage. Now I Want Her Back.’Understand not only why you ended things that way, Esther Perel says, but why you want it all back.
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    ‘I Don’t Know How to Advocate for Myself to My Boss or My Husband’It’s not that you can’t do this for yourself, Esther Perel tells this week’s caller, it’s that you’ve learned not to. Perhaps now you can un-learn.
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    ‘How Do I Stop Obsessing Over Having Had an Affair and Forgive Myself?’Beating yourself up doesn’t solve anything, Esther Perel says. Instead, unpack why you had the affair in the first place and what you got from it.
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    ‘My Brother’s Wife Ruined Our Relationship’No matter how close siblings are, Esther Perel says, they shouldn’t define what love is for each other as they grow older.
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    ‘I’m Seeing Someone I Really Like — I Just Wished She Liked Me Less’To be able to experience a loving relationship, Esther Perel says, you must first accept that you’re capable of being loved.
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    ‘Is My Partner Gaslighting Me, or Am I Being Overly Sensitive?’Manipulation, scapegoating, coercion, and lying are all gaslighting tactics, says Esther Perel. This “Esther Calling” caller knows them all too well.
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    “I’m Stuck in the Middle of My Fighting Friends”You’re not responsible for their relationship, says Esther Perel in this installment of “Esther Calling.”
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    ‘I Want a Child, But My Partner Isn’t Sure’Giving them space to decide means changing the dynamic of the conversation, says Esther Perel in the latest “Esther Calling.”
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    ‘I’m 40 and I’ve Never Had a Long-Term Relationship’First things first: Our romantic attachments mirror the emotional bonds we have with our first caregivers, says Esther Perel in this “Esther Calling.”
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    ‘I’m Losing My Best Friend to Her New Fiancé’Curiosity, Esther Perel says in this “Esther Calling,” about a friend’s life now is essential if a childhood friendship is to survive adulthood.
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    “I’m Resentful of My Partner’s Privilege”“This is not a problem you need to solve,” Esther Perel tells this “Esther Calling” listener. This is the relationship.
  37. where should we begin?
    Esther Perel’s Favorite Episodes of Her Own PodcastThe infidelities, the fights, and the blindfolds.
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    Please Enjoy Esther Perel’s 10 Favorite Erotic Films“Many of these scenes play out fantasies, and fantasies often express our deepest emotional needs and wishes,” Perel says.