Light spoilers for season three of The Traitors (U.S.) ahead. The spoilers do not reveal who is a Traitor or who is a Faithful, but consider yourself warned!
New year, same old treachery. 2025 is going to be a bumpy ride, with a second Trump presidency, Elon Musk doing whatever the hell he’s doing so publicly (star jumps onstage exposing his midriff?), and an ever-growing epidemic of podcast men at their peak. But, thankfully, this year also brings us season three of The Traitors on Peacock.
In the American version of the Emmy-winning reality competition series, celebrities compete in physical and mental challenges for money, and Alan Cumming brings his A game as a host and fashion icon. For the season-three premiere, which is now airing on Peacock (the series concludes March 6), Cumming rides in on a horse, a velvet cape covering his shoulders and emblazoned with his initials in sparkling rhinestones across the chest. Incredible. If we were to highlight the most fabulous outfit from every episode, Cumming would come in first place every time and this would be a column solely dedicated to highlighting the host and his capes and hats and shawls.
But as far as the cast goes, one has to wonder just how much each player’s role in the show (whether they’re assigned to play a Traitor, a secret “murderer” who decides who gets to keep playing the game, or a Faithful, someone who plays fair and square) impacts the way they dress. Should a Traitor stand out in their sartorial choices — feathers, leather, color, the works — to throw their housemates off their trail? (Why would a real Traitor want to draw more attention to themselves?) Or should they partake in a bit of stealth wealth (barf) dressing with simple but expensive jeans and sweaters?
In the first five minutes of the premiere, it became evident to me that very few of these cast members had thought that far ahead, apart from Carolyn Wiger of Survivor fame, who is first seen wearing a pair of feathered leather gloves. Like, okay, girl, we get it, you wanna play an evil villain. Just one glimpse of Sam Asghari (Britney Spears’s ex-husband) in his frat-y salmon blazer and Bob the Drag Queen’s wide-brim cobalt blue hat likely busting out of the trunk of the car that brings the contestants to the Scottish Highlands to either band together or betray one another for a cash prize of $250,000 made me realize we’re clearly in for a whiplash-inducing clusterfuck of big personalities and even bigger peacocking (not to be confused with the actual peacock in the garden whom Dorinda Medley — dressed as Pagliacci, I guess — essentially threatens to stuff and bring back to her mansion).
When this motley crew of a cast finally pulls into the mansion to prepare for their first mission, after passing multiple ominous figures in black cloaks and gold masks (which kind of give Schiaparelli, don’t you think?), Tom Sandoval steps out of a car in a wannabe Chopova Lowena–looking kilt. When I tell you my body immediately went into fight or flight … (You didn’t earn that kilt, Sandoval! I strongly urge you to rediscover a pants seam, I wanted to holler.)
This is a game of secrets, lies, and betrayal. And I have to wonder, how many of these reality-star divas were letting their outfits expose their motivations? Below, I’ve put together a list of ensembles I found shocking on a scale from the most treacherous to the most faithful (“Very Traitor” to “Very Faithful”). And please note, this list does not take into account their actual Traitor-versus-Faithful roles, because even though I warned you at the top that there would be spoilers, I know that some of you who’ve made it this far still have not watched the episode before reading!
Very Traitorous: Wiger, for the aforementioned leather gloves.
Traitorous: Bob the Drag Queen in a blue diva-drama moment with puffy Loewe glasses. Thank God someone came dressed for work.
Faithful: Sandoval, because he looks so damn ridiculous. I know it’s not considered culturally offensive for non-Scots to wear kilts in Scotland for special occasions (lying and cheating on TV does seem to be one), but I found it offensive solely because it was on him.
Very Faithful: Dylan Efron. Those gray slacks were tailored to the gods, bless him.
Editors note: We’ll be talking about the most outrageous every episode this season, so come back for more. And as far as photos go, we are giving you as many images as Daddy NBC will let us have. We will grovel for more in the coming weeks.