After going on hiatus at the height of the pandemic, office holiday parties are back — and with them, questions from employees about rules for navigating them. Are office parties optional, or just “optional” as in “we can’t fire you for skipping, but it will be frowned upon”? Is it okay to bring a date, or better to go solo? How much drinking is safe, if any? And what are you supposed to talk about with these people for several hours while you frantically eat cookies and down overly sweet punch? Here’s everything you might want to know about office-party etiquette, to get you through the evening and ensure your reputation remains intact the following day.
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Rule 1: Go to your office holiday party, even if you’d rather not.
By far the most frequent question I’m asked about office holiday parties is whether attendance is mandatory, especially if it’s held outside of work hours. I’d love to tell you that you can skip it with impunity and stay home in your pajamas, but here’s the sad truth: You should go.
Even if your company claims the party is optional, many managers notice who doesn’t attend and perceive those people as being less engaged with their job or their team. That’s not fair — managers should look to your work to see how engaged you are — but it’s often the reality, so it’s worth sucking it up for a couple of hours a year not to get tagged with that label.
That said …
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Rule 2: If you really can’t make it, don’t worry too much.
This is a busy time of year. If you genuinely have a conflicting obligation, simply explain that. No reasonable employer expects you to, for example, alter holiday travel plans or skip your big annual family celebration so that you don’t miss the company party.
However, there’s an important caveat here: The higher up in your organization you are, the more you might be expected to make an effort to attend. If you’re senior-level, your absence might be conspicuous, and you risk coming across as someone who wouldn’t deign to socialize with people lower down the corporate ladder. Obviously that doesn’t mean you need to blow off a family wedding to be there, but think twice before missing it for, say, drinks with friends.
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Rule 3: Make a point of talking to people outside your usual circle.
You might be tempted to spend the whole party hanging out with the co-workers you know and like the most. It’s okay to do a little of that, but make sure you circulate and talk to others too. Building relationships with people you don’t have as many chances to talk with normally can pay off in ways you can’t predict, since co-workers who feel warmly toward you will often be more willing to go out of their way to help you (beyond the bare minimum of what their jobs require). The next time you need accounting to cut a last-minute check or IT to fix a database problem for you, having connected with someone over the cheese plate might make them more willing to go out of their way to help you next month. Plus, you might hear work gossip that’s useful to you professionally, like that a job you’re interested in is about to open up.
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Rule 4: Make sure your boss sees you there.
You don’t have to stay for the full length of the party, but before you leave, make sure your boss sees you. Say hello and talk briefly, so that she doesn’t inadvertently think you skipped out. In fact, as long as you spend a few minutes talking to your boss, you can probably get away with leaving after only an hour if that’s what you prefer.
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Rule 5: Don’t talk work too much.
This is supposed to be a social occasion, not a company meeting, so resist any urge to pull your co-workers into detailed conversations about the status of the fundraising report or the plan for next month’s product launch. You’ll annoy people by making them talk about work when they’re trying to relax, and you’ll miss out on the whole purpose of the party, which is to let you socialize with colleagues in a more relaxed setting.
If you’re drawing a blank, try sharing a movie you recently watched, any series you’re binging, weekend or travel plans, pets you have, and, if all else fails, the food at the party. (“What do you think is in these stuffed mushrooms?” is a reliable conversation starter.)
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Rule 6: If you’re shy, give yourself a job to do.
If you’re not comfortable at this kind of event, find a job to do. The organizers could probably use a hand, and they might welcome you managing the music, restocking the canapés, clearing off abandoned tables, or helping to hand out gifts. If you can’t find anything to help with, assign yourself the “job” of talking to someone who looks shy or bored. They’ll probably be grateful, and it will distract you from your own discomfort. (This trick works at non-work parties, too.)
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Rule 7: Be cautious if you bring a date.
Some office parties are strictly employees only. But if your company welcomes plus-ones, be thoughtful about who you bring. It can be risky to bring someone you just started dating (whose judgment and behavior is still untested in high-stakes situations like a professional event) or someone who will stick by your side all night and take your attention away from the networking you’re there to do at least a bit of.
Also, if your significant other isn’t enthused about attending, let them off the hook! Attending a work party that isn’t your own can be awfully dull, and giving them your blessing to skip it without guilt is a lovely gift.
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Rule 8: Ultimately, it’s a business event.
Despite having the word “party” in the name, this is still a work event. It’s a more relaxed work event, yes, and there’s cake and often alcohol, but you’re still expected to adhere to reasonably professional standards of behavior. And even if your company is one that encourages party attendees to let loose, you should still remain cautious. You’re going to have to work with these people after the party ends, and it’s better that they think of you as “the one with the insane Excel skills” and not “the one who passed out on the copier at Christmas.”
For that reason …
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Rule 9: Watch how much you drink.
Alcohol lowers your inhibitions, and you want your inhibitions very much intact when you’re around co-workers. It’s fine to have a drink or two, but if you feel yourself getting even the beginnings of a buzz, switch to water. You want your professional life to be managed by Sober You, not Intoxicated You, charming as Intoxicated You may feel in the moment.
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Rule 10: Thank the party organizers.
Organizing office parties is often thankless and comes with lots of demands, lots of complaints, and very little gratitude. If you’re the gracious person who seeks the organizers out and thanks them for the work they put into the party, you’re likely to rack up serious brownie points (and may get rewarded by being allowed to take home leftover brownies!).
Find even more career advice from Alison Green on her website, Ask a Manager. Got a question for her? Email [email protected] (and read our submission terms here.)