Mere moments ago, I was enjoying the safety of my air-conditioned home when I abruptly came face-to-nip with these photos of Jeremy Allen White going for a run, wearing nothing but a pair of teeny-tiny shorts and a tank-top-shaped sunburn. Suddenly, I am also sweating. Each of the muscles in White’s torso gleams, his tomato-red biceps defined and glinting in the Los Angeles sun. A hot chain clings to his beefy neck, looking just about ready to melt into the salty expanse of his clavicle. Chef, have you had enough water today?
Needless to say, this scene has scrambled my brain like a steaming plate of cheesy, chive-sprinkled eggs. What did he do to get so … slick? Are his sweat glands just working harder than the rest of us? Maybe his artfully distributed tattoos are helping to accentuate his luster? Is he a Twilight vampire? Whatever the cause may be, I am suddenly struck with a new appreciation for bodily fluids.
Of course, we cannot attribute White’s lustrous aura to shining pecs alone. He is getting divorced, a development that sometimes sends men on quests for physical self-improvement. White is also starring in a wrestling drama alongside Zac Efron, which may explain why his biceps are looking especially bulbous at the moment.
Obviously, the internet has offered up a resounding “Yes, chef!” to these images, and I can’t say I disagree. Bon appétit!