Hat’s off to Robert Pattinson, perennial baseball-cap lover, who gave us something new to talk about today other than butts. He’s finally unveiled what we had previously called a cool-kid haircut. But we were wrong. Very, very wrong. Because his cut is neither cool nor Skrillex nor rat tail but some very weird hybrid of bowl-cut-meets-bikini-waxing-patterns. What kind of solace does this weirdly precise rectangular landing strip provide this former teen vampyre? And what do we call this weird haircut amalgamation? Below, the Cut speculates.
Allison Davis, Writer: Oh my God, that’s what he has been hiding under his hat?
Maggie Lange, Writer: WHAT?!? What bet did he lose?
Allison: Is it supposed to be an exclamation point?
Kathleen Hou, Beauty Editor: It’s a landing strip for the nape of his neck.
Allison: It’s a skull patch?
Kathleen: It’s “party in the front, disturbed in the back.”
Ashley Weatherford, Beauty Editor: It’s a slender goatee on the wrong side of his head.
Maggie: Maybe he’s trying to “Battle of Bighorn” some lice.
Véronique Hyland, Editor: Maybe it’s … alopecia? Not to alopecia-shame Robert Pattinson; that is not how I want to start my day. NAMASTE.
Molly Fischer, Editor: When I was in college, there was this MFA student who was a friend of friends. He announced his intention to get a haircut that made his hair look like a hat. So he did, and the results were a little like this cut.
Allison: Remember when Robert Pattinson was in Twilight and didn’t wash his hair for months?
Diana: And yet all the girls wanted to run their hands through his hair.
Allison: Help pick food and bugs out. He’s come so far.
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